Am thinking of writing a new book. It will not be fiction but will be brainy and philosophical in nature. It is because I seem to spend huge swathes of time trying to think up answers to increasingly ridiculous questions. For example:
- How does a chicken know it is a chicken?
- When I’m dead will my eyes be shut?
- What is poo for?
- Why don’t chickens have duvets?
- What if I want a drink of water when I’m dead?
- Why don’t cats wear pants?
- How does Lola fit in the telly?
- Why does bees not make Marmite?
- Why is Afghanistan?
- Why does the Eggheads always win?
- Can I shoot water up Diver Dan’s bottom?
The trouble is I don’t the answers. I mean, how DOES a chicken know it is a chicken? I don’t even think ours does. It eats rich tea biscuits and pancakes, tries to nest on a doormat and flies. Even without the worrying slightly cannibalistic tendencies of eating egg-based products, what kind of creature is that? Ideas on a postcard please…